As humans we often become upset. I’m upset because that mother is yelling at her child.  I’m upset because my husband attempted suicide. I’m upset because a car just cut me off. I’m upset because you were late. I’m upset because ______.  The list is endless.  What makes me upset might make you upset. What makes you upset may not.

A co-worker and I made the same exact mistake within a month of each other.  We had put the wrong end date on an account. This action caused someone to lose access to our network.  My co-worker was upset because of her mistake. It bothered her for weeks. The mistake didn’t bother me. I observed what I did and took the actions to fix it. This event didn’t bring up a lot of emotion for me.  It wasn’t an upset for ME.

How could the same event hurt my co-worker but not me?  It was because I OBSERVED what I did wrong. I didn’t have any hurt feelings for what happened.  I observed and I moved on.  I don’t know and will not speculate on why it may have been an upset for my co-worker.

Every Saturday morning I take my son swimming. One morning I witnessed a mother in the locker room yelling at her young son.  She yelled at him for five minutes. This mother’s actions really made me upset.  I started judging her for her actions. How dare she yell at her young son in that manner. I would NEVER yell at my son in public in that way. This incident bothered me and it bothered me a lot!

Why was I CHOOSING to allow her actions to HURT me?

What are my inner rules on this event? It brought up memories of all the pain and hurt from my own parents yelling at me. I suddenly realized I made a rule with myself that parents who yelled at their children were bad parents. I would never yell at my child the way I was yelled at as a child. I was upset with this mother because she had broken MY rule that I created.

What are my limited beliefs about this mother? Did this mother yell at her child to make me upset and angry? No. Did I know what happened to cause this mother to yell at her child? No. Did I know what was had happened in this mother’s life leading up to this moment of time? No.

What are my projections? Do I yell at myself? Yes. Do I yell at others? Yes. Do I yell at the relationship with God? Probably. Do I have the capacity to yell? Absolutely.

The TRUTH is this mother was doing the best she could in that moment. The truth is my father in his moment of uncontrolled anger directed at me was doing the best he could. My father’s anger was not about me. This mother’s anger was not about her child. It is about them and their issues.

In the past I have yelled at my son. The truth is I was doing the best I could. The truth is I am not a bad mother because I yelled at my son.

My intention moving forward is to be a joyful, loving, and empathetic mother.